Have you ever felt tired of being a Christian?
A little bit fed up with people, and just really hungry to show people that you are not stupid?
Extremely fed up with being taken for granted?
This one is for you. I write this with you in mind.
I used to be a hard guy. Like a straight-up hard guy. There was nothing that would have made me extend grace. Nothing would have made me use silence like a sword to those that stepped on my toes. I mean if you are trying to see what I can do, I might as well show you.
I also would like for you, my darling reader, to remember that I was a Christian too. I ticked all the boxes.
Church – Checked
Tithes – Checked
Everything, every single thing was checked.
But then, I started to get cautions from the Holy Spirit. But before I unwrap all that I am now, I must tell you how I got here.
It was a Monday. The normal hustle and bustle, a day as stressful as Nigeria. I was tired, with a sprinkle of frustration. Right on the verge of snapping but not quite there yet. All I wanted to do was smother my bed and pillow with tears.
I rarely socialized. It was always me, my journals, and my tears.
As I settled into my room, I picked up my book and began to write. Tears dropping on each page, the ink of my pen mixing with my tears, as I wrote;
It has been a while but be rest assured that these tests didn’t take a break.
I am tired of all I have to do, and I am wary of this void that runs deep.
I want to want you more than I do,
And I want this hole filled.
My heart is tired and my soul is shattered.
The human relationship test can be hard. Knowing what you can do in response to a hurt but getting cautioned not to can be hard. Hard to the soul. It can hurt so much you will begin to feel abandoned and like you do not count.
Before I could get to the bone of this hurt, on how I felt abandoned- I heard something. It is transient. What initially sounded like a suggestion became an affirmation.
‘I love you’, that was what I heard.
‘Can you not feel me?’
‘I’m always here’ ‘stop running’ ‘focus on me’.
Repeatedly, not once and not twice. It lulled me to sleep with its warmth and strength. Those words are a blanket to my tiredness and the treasure of a warm cup of tea, on a rainy day.
It was all I needed. It has carried me through a plethora of storms and had grounded me on days that try me. It has been ye and amen for me. The words of the Father. It has helped me caution my reaction – acting only as the Father, my friend who see my hurts, will have me.
The best part of all of this love and this friendship that makes other friendships better is the availability for all.
Even when my fellow man tries me or hurts me, I am confident about the friendship I have with Father. The one friendship my soul truly needs.
The omnipresence; for all and at all times.
You can have it too. Talk to the Father. He is waiting.